Are You A Responsible Rescuer?

“I can help. Give it here”

There is a type of experienced singing teacher, voice teacher or vocal coach who is extraordinarily dependable. If something is going wrong, they show up. If a colleague is overwhelmed, they make time. If someone needs resources, contacts, reassurance, a plan, three possible solutions and possibly a packed lunch, they will somehow produce them.

This is the territory of the Responsible Rescuer. The name sounds slightly alarming, but the underlying qualities are often excellent ones: commitment, loyalty, generosity and a strong professional conscience. You care what happens to people.

The difficulty comes when caring quietly turns into carrying. A colleague brings you a problem and, somewhere during the conversation, it starts becoming your problem too. You think about it afterwards. You send another message. You find another resource. You begin working harder on the situation than the person who originally brought it to you.

This happens remarkably easily in professions built around helping. Singing teachers are used to taking responsibility. We organise lessons, diagnose problems, design exercises, monitor progress and notice what students miss. Then another teacher asks us for support and the same machinery switches on.

But mentoring requires a different distribution of responsibility. You can care deeply about the outcome without owning it. That is a learned skill. Sometimes the most useful thing a mentor can do is resist the urge to step in, not because they don’t care, but because the other teacher needs to make the decision, have the conversation, test the idea or tolerate the uncertainty themselves.

Responsible Rescuers often make very strong mentors once they learn to spot the moment where support turns into over-functioning. The aim is not to become less generous. It is to make your generosity more precise.

The twist? The more you rescue, the more indispensable you can become. That sounds flattering, but it can create dependence and leave both people carrying a relationship that is heavier than it needs to be.

If you are regularly the person everyone rings when things go pear-shaped, you may recognise yourself here.
Take the “What Kind of Teacher-Mentor Are You?” Quiz and find out which helping style is strongest for you.

PS If you’re often the person others turn to when things get difficult, our new online course Beyond Technique – The Vocal Process Teacher-Mentor Pathway will help you support people generously without feeling you have to carry the whole problem yourself.